Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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