Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
