New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
