I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
