Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
