I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I will pee on everything he values.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
