I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
