i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
