he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
