im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
