The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
