six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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