Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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