somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
