go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
