You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
