question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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