i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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