he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
