Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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