I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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