I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
