he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
did i walk over a car last night?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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