did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
