apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
