You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
