I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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