Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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