Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
