I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
