weddingsv make me drug and hornr
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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