He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
