when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
