i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
