tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
