If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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