I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
this will be a night to untag.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
