There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
