There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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