I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
