Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
