did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
