Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
