everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
