ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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