If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just want nice things and good sex
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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