This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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