My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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