This is not my ceiling
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
