Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Let's get the cat blown out
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
