She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
