just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
