he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
